The End of an Era

Moved out of my apartment today…

I moved out of my first apartment on my own, my first taste of residential independence, my first taste of being truly ALONE.

I completely lost sight of and finally found myself in it.

The carpets will forever be stained with sweat, tears, and glitter.

The walls will forever hold the secrets and back-stories to who I was behind all the booze and bad dates.

Here’s to the kitchen counters probably still lined with cocaine residue and the mirrors that convinced my girlfriends and I that we were finally hot and slutty enough to head out.

To the doors that never locked due to my violent ex-boyfriend’s barrage through my barricades

And to the maintenance men who never asked questions about them.

To all the gay porn laying rampantly around the laundry room, I will forever be addicted to of homo orgies while washing my clothes.

To the men who never made it past my security guard Chavez and to the ones who never made it past my chihuahua Lola.

To the girls who were always welcome in for a Slutty Slumber party and to the boys who always snuck in after us because we were too drunk to realize.

To the singing schizophrenic homeless man with no teeth who will always be more of a pleasant sound to wake up to than any corny ass little bird in the suburbs.

To the handful of men who’ve been allowed into my apartment to help me assemble and disassemble Ikea furniture and to the ladies who consistently blacked out on and around them.

To all the men that propositioned me in the elevators and all the boys that brushed up against me in the laundry room.

To Drama, my long-lost partner in crime, and all the days and nights we spent up and sulking about how nobody loves us but we don’t give a shit anyway so let’s do more blow.

And last but not least…

Here’s to the one man who helped make living in that apartment the most thrilling, most exciting, most awkwardly nerve wracking, most uncomfortable, most romantic, most devastating situation I’ve ever endured in my entire life and hope to never have to experience again…

The man that inspired this all in my most atypical heartbreak thus far and most likely will NEVER know about.

My next-door-neighbor.

M&M.