Last night, after getting out of Church (yes…I <3 Jesus….very deeply too…WHAT?!) I had a voicemail waiting for me from a Jersey number (I knew cuz of the area code). I immediately thought it must’ve been yet ANOTHER former flame or fling from Jersey calling to insist that he come fuck me out of my misery considering I’m not getting much play in Los Angeles; in fact I seem to be getting a lot of those calls and texts these days from all over the country (Gee I wonder why). Ugh. Anyway, this is what was said:
Hey Jayla, this is PJ, a friend of Gem and Vixen’s. I saw them at Christmas actually and they said they had a friend out here and…I LIKE FRIENDS so…I figured I’d give ya a call and see if you wanted to grab food or a drink or something equally arbitrary…….anyway call me back when you get a chance. Hope you had a good St. Pat’s. God bless.
1. He requested that God himself bless me…coincidentally right as I’m walking out of church. Divine intervention? I THINK SO.
2. He used the word “arbitrary”…I CANT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I DATED ANYONE IN LA THAT KNEW WHAT ARBITRARY MEANT LET ALONE HOW TO SPELL IT! Wait…I don’t even know what that word means…somebody remind me to dictionary.com it before Thursday…
3. He had the balls to call me, instead of text me.
I’m game. I call up Vixen to ask wtf who is this guy? Is he hot? According to her, he’s both a genius and a gentlemen, either of which has been increasingly difficult to find in this town. So nobody has a picture of this guy, he doesn’t have a Facebook either…which means I’m OFFICIALLY going on a legit blind date! Wish me luck…
So then later on tonight while I was updating my blog, I get a text from yet another strange number, explaining that he was a friend of Dickhead who was told and eventually convinced that he just had to hit me up and talk to me, as I was “definitely a girl [he] wanted to get to know.” Oh God. According to Dickhead, this guy was “definitely attractive for a guy” and would “fuck [me] the way [I] needed it.” I should’ve known from how creepy of a former frat boy Dickhead is, that I had this one coming. Can you see the difference between my girl friends setting me up and my guy friends setting me up? The first guy asked me about my life, what I like to do, what brought me out here, and that he’d love to take me to dinner on Thursday, while the second guy requested photos of me, asked if I was “worth [his] while ;-D,” and asked “So what if I’m married…?” Right now he’s at the hospital taking care of some gunshot wound victim and he said he’d call me back later on tonight…I may very well just initiate phone sex with him before bed and call it a night, but I’ll let you know how both strangers end up in the story later on this week.