Hooker Role-Play Redemption

Completely baffled at the fact that Drummer wants to see me again, I sit on my therapist’s couch discussing whether or not I should just end it now because I’m crazy and Drummer knows too much about me so early on or because he’s crazy for wanting to see me again after getting to know too much about me so early on. I very well may just cease all contact from this point on for the simple fact that he actually wants to see me again.  I don’t think I’ve ever been on a second date come to think of it and I’ve had no problem with that whatsoever.  In case you have yet to deduce this trait of mine from my blogs thus far, I have intimacy issues and can develop highly tactful ways of self-sabotaging. I like to think of it as an entertaining art form. Sitting Indian-style on her couch with my shoes off, I go back and forth between assuming what the hell is going on for him and convincing myself that I just need to fucking ask already. Why the hell does he wanna see me again after that? Did he not hear me say his scent made me wanna breast-feed and fuck something at the same time? Ugh. He should be ashamed of himself for calling me after that. Leaving her office, I call up Drummer to let him know I’m now free and ready to set forth on our afternoon date. Prepping at my place with my usual mani-pedi while watching re-runs of Sex and The City, I finally decide that I’m just gonna be completely honest and open with him about what that whole night was like for me, be curious about what it was like for him and answer all his questions about this friggin blog….without giving him the website (hehehee!). *bing, bing!* Text: I’M HERE! Ahh…here goes nothing…

I get downstairs and, UGH, my God he’s so good looking, even better than I remember, although I don’t remember much of our first date considering how annihilated I was. Rocking our matching Marc Jacobs sunglasses, we both light up at the sight of each other and embrace in a super big hug. As we walk on to go get lunch, I decide to just be up front and put it out there, my burning question that I’d had since we last saw each other:

Me: *walking alongside him* Sooo….ya know I spent the past couple days wondering what the fuck you must be thinking about me and the situation and what went on and I figured…why don’t I just ASK you. So…with that said, what exactly are your thoughts about the last time we hung out and everything I told you…?

Him: *turning to me and smiling simply* Well…I’m here aren’t I? *now throwing his one arm around me and giving me a slight kiss on the side of my head*

Now blushing to myself, I think, “OK Drummer, I’ll take that.”  We get to The Secret, Drama’s and my go-to breakfast spot, and our chemistry is back to being spot on; it’s amazing. Spending another two to three hours at this coffee shop, we leave and decide that he should come grocery shopping with me. How fuckin cute right? After walking to Trader Joe’s and then all the way over to Fresh & Easy, we make our way back to my apartment when I realize, HOLY SHIT, he’s about to come over and hang out in my apartment. FUUUCK!

I have this thing about letting men into my apartment, not just taking men home, but literally having a man in my apartment.  Since my ex moved out a year and some-odd-months ago, my apartment has served as my own little personal sanctuary, a complete metaphoric representation of the deepest and innermost regions of my heart and psyche.  I laugh in here, I cry in here, I come home drunk in here, I Facebook stalk in here, I dance around naked while singing 80’s Madonna music in here.  I have pictures of my family and my closest friends sporadically splashed all over the place, I have monkey fixtures in my bathroom, I have my dying orchid that I just can’t seem to save for the life of me, I have hot pink EVERYTHING in my bedroom, I have love and sex books on my bookshelves, I have a wretchedly mean chihuahua with high anxiety and low self-esteem.  My apartment represents the most intimate parts of my life.  Period.  M&M was the first man in here after my ex moved out (which was probably only two months ago) and was the last man in here until now (again, probably two months ago).  And here comes Drummer walking into it behind me…I haven’t been this nervous since the first time I took a pregnancy test (or the last time I took a pregnancy test…or, fuck, maybe every time I take a pregnancy test).

Now in my apartment, I run to my bathroom and quickly SLAM the door shut then run over to my bedroom and even MORE quickly slam THAT door shut.  Whew!  I need to at least keep those unexposed for now…and no, you can’t go to the bathroom while you’re here.  Sorry.  Now surveying my place and nodding at the things that give him a further glimpse into who I really am, Drummer finally turns to me smiling and says, “You have a really cute place, it’s totally you.”  Wanting to punch him in the face for even being inside my apartment, I breathe a sign of relief and surrender, relief from him not having said anything awful and surrender from me now giving up all the anxiety I was feeling about him being here.  While I normally would be really nervous and tense from all this, I decide that I’m not gonna waste my time trying to hide certain things or put shit away or even worry about what the fuck he’s thinking anymore.  Fuck it.  Lemme just be myself and he can either take it or leave it.  I mean he’s already inside.

Giving up this fight to keep him at a comfortable distance from getting to know me anymore than he already did, I swing open my bedroom door, throw on my iPod, and blast my 80s playlist that I usually put on when I start cooking, which is exactly what I’m about to do (now if it’s been a while since I’ve had another man in my apartment, it’s definitely been a loooong while since I’ve cooked for a man, years even…I never cooked for M&M, never cooked for Wiley, VERY VERY RARELY cooked for my ex, and was scarred from cooking for the ex before him…this…is uncomfortably intimate territory for me…fuck it).  “I made it throoough the wilderness….!” comes blasting from the speakers when Drummer screams out, “YESSS!!!!!” and starts singing along to “Like A Virgin” with me.  Oh man…this is definitely a match made in heaven. 

Chopping up strawberries while he rolls a mixture of walnuts, macadamia nuts, coconut oil, and shredded coconuts into tiny balls, I insist that, “HERE!  Try this…” and I shove a strawberry into Drummer’s mouth, my finger still lingering on his lips with our eyes locked on one another.  He slyly grins and offers me a “Mmmmm….” back, his eyes still fixed on mine as I giggle and bite my lower lip.  “YOU try THIS..” he says as he retaliates and shoves his coconutty finger my way.  “Eewwww!!” I scream in protest before surrendering and taking his finger into my mouth.  Lightly sucking off the mix of nuts and coconut, I gently bite down on Drummer’s index finger and graze my tongue against it, now pulling it out of my mouth and raising both my eyes in a lascivious  “There ya happy?” look, as he slowly grins and meets my gaze.  Both now paused in a mutually daring glare, I use the 4-second stare-down to fantasize about him TOSSING all the vegetables, spices, and nuts OFF my counter and THROWING me on top of it, as we RIP OFF each other’s clothes and lick and gnaw and bite and scratch at each other’s flesh while setting off the smoke alarm cuz of all the heat and sweat emanating from our frantic, nonsensical fucking (or from the salmon baking and burning at 375 degrees).  “Oh you’re bad…” he finally says, now breaking the silence, his finger still lingering in the air.  I reply back with a shrug and a simple, “I know” as I brush past him to set the table, reminding myself that you’re not supposed to fuck somebody you like until the 6th date…right?

We sit down to eat and that familiar anxiety comes rushing back, the same “Fuck what’s he gonna think?” moment that seems to be recurring with this guy.  I brush it off and let it go, releasing him from my death stare as he takes his first bite.  He likes it a lot; good enough for me.  Finishing up dinner and moving from my table to the couch, we continue to talk and laugh and sip on wine for the next couple hours or so.  Our first date lasted 14 hours; this one was going on 10.  Now sitting Indian-style and facing each other on my couch, laughing hysterically over something or another, I tell Drummer, “Oh my God you’re craaaaazy!!!”  He then grabs both my legs in his hands, yaaaaaaanks me closer towards him and says, “I’m actually really crazy about this face…” as he leans his in towards mine.  Completely immersed in the moment, I immediately SNAP out of it as my phone goes off on the coffee table.  Quickly glancing at it, I scream, “FUCK!!!” as I realize it’s now 10pm and Mirage is calling, most likely to tell me that she’s here at my apartment waiting downstairs.  “What?  Who is it?” Drummer asks, the moment now utterly dissolved in my panic.  I had totally forgotten that Mirage was on her way over already to meet at my place before we went out to the bachelorette party.  FUCK! 

Me: *rapidly shooting up from the couch and frantically putting on my shoes while simultaneously searching for my keys* Ahh fuck my friend is here!  Ahh you have to leave; I didn’t realize it was this late!

Drummer: *not getting up from his seat on the couch and pouting* Nooo….I don’t want the night to be over yet…

Me: *disarmed and halting from my frenzy at his protest* (UGH GOD he’s so cute…) Oooh…me neither… *pouting back in return*

Drummer: *now getting up and making his way towards me* Come here real quick…

Me: *realizing where this may very well end up if I do in fact go over to him and inching my way closer to the door* NO!  My friend is downstairs!  I gotta go get her!

Drummer: *now realizing himself exactly what I’m realizing and moving faster towards me* Wait a minute just come back here…!

Me: *opening the door and putting my finger up in a halt* No, no, no!  Just wait right there!  Don’t go anywhere! *now running out the door, slamming it behind me* (God I hope he doesn’t go anywhere)

Now running as fast as I can to get to the garage, I see Mirage in her car and have her follow me into an empty parking spot.  She gets out of her car and asks,

Mirage: What the fuck?!  Why’d it take you so long!?

Me: Ahh hurry up, bitch!  I have Drummer upstairs still! *jumping and running in place as we wait for my elevator*

Mirage: Oh my God STILL?!  Did you at least fuck him yet?

Me: *giddy and proud that I can actually deny doing so* Nope!

Mirage: *rolling her eyes* Jesus Christ FUCK HIM ALREADY JAYLA!!  Ugh!  These long ass dates are bullshit and you need to get laid!

Me: *in protest* No God dammit!  I like him OK?! *grabbing Mirage and yanking her into the opening elevator*

Finally back at my place, I silently pray that he’s still inside when I yank open the door, Mirage close behind me.  Ahh…there he is.  At first sitting on my couch and now getting up, Drummer comes over to greet Mirage as I introduce the both of them to each other.  Weirded out at the idea of any guy I’m dating meeting any of my friends right now, I quickly snatch up Drummer and pull him outside as I scream back to Mirage that, “I’LL BE RIGHT BACK!” with Drummer screaming back a “BYE NICE TO MEET YOU!!!!!”  We get downstairs and, seeing me with a strange unknown guy, my security guard comes over to me asking, “Jayla, did you need something…?” implying that he’s more than willing to throw this guy out like the rest of em.