Fifty Shades didn’t ask me if I wanted to see him today or if I still wanted to do dinner on the beach; he told me that’s what [Read More]
Avalon
Rule & Bed Breaking
To reiterate this point from a previous blog post, no I don’t just meet mother fuckers on the side of the street, take them home with me, [Read More]
Happy Birthday Booty, Epilogue
At 6 years old, my Saturday mornings consisted of spam-and-egg breakfasts and Saturday Morning Cartoons. My favorites were Rocko’s Modern [Read More]
Happy Birthday Booty, Part III
Now with Persian Princess behind me, me in the middle, and Fifty Shades in front of me, we lay down and face one another, as we continue to talk [Read More]
Happy Birthday Booty, Part II
Continuing to roll on Molly and stroll down Holly….wood Boulevard (yeah, ya like that?!), I unleash a fury of nonstop questions as Fifty [Read More]
Happy Birthday Booty, Part I
In true happy-birthday fashion, I organized a slutty slumber party Friday night to ring in my 26th year of being a living, breathing, fucking [Read More]
The Libidinous Laundry Blues
I’m still sweating, panting, and palpitating as I type this, not because it’s 85 degrees right now in my apartment and not even [Read More]
How To Fuck A Billionaire
Driving down to Newport Beach from Beach Blender's place, I down as much water and Ibuprofen as I can (careful not to accidentally take the [Read More]
Penis Size Shmenis Size
Black Beauty Bookworm: *looking at a picture of one of my former flames* Oh he's really handsome! Wait you didn't like him back? Why [Read More]
One Night in Venice, Epilogue
Upon opening my eyes, I realize I’m not in my own bed. Worse off, I realize how badly I need to fart. FUCK. I definitely ate something [Read More]
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