“So let me get this straight: Your next door neighbor…the guy you’ve been HEARING having GOD AWFUL SEX…is hot? And…you TOLD HIM that it sounds awful? God, Jay, you really are a crazy bitch…”
I can always count on Mirage to keep shit FUCKIN REAL. And to be honest…I guess I’d have to be crazy AND a bitch to even CONSIDER fucking my next door neighbor after telling him how fucking bad his fucking sounds.
Ugh…he’s so hot too…of COURSE there’s a catch.
Girlfriend AND bad in bed?
FAIL.
Last night I masturbated MERCILESSLY to thoughts of those huge arms and those broad shoulders. Jesus Christ. I guess the plus side at this point is the fact that I myself will NEVER have to be the one making despicable attempts at pleasurable sounds on the other side of that wall and on the other end of his wiener.
Jayla – 1; Hot Sexy Neighbor – 0
In the office, the both of us donning white, cotton collared button-ups and sleek pencil tight skirts, professional hoe pumps on foot, Mirage and I continue to discuss my scandalous encounter from the night before:
Mirage: So what’d he say when you confronted him about the loud awful sex every Friday morning…?
Me: *swiveling around in my chair to face her, sighing as I state* He said, ‘I’m just a man in love…’” *shrugging and heavy-hearted*
Mirage: *laughing* Oh my God you TOTALLY wanna fuck your next-door neighbor! *imitating me* ‘Oh super hot neighbor why aren’t you fucking ME that badly instead?!” *laughing at her own amusement*
Me: *laughing at this realization* Exactly! Like HELLO!! I’m hot, you’re hot…the mathematics alone PROVE that we would have hot nasty sex! *taking a bite of my cookie* God dammit…
Mirage: Oh please, Jayla, you should be GLAD it’s not you! So now what? You told him that you hear it…did you tell him to fucking STOP???
Me: Well yeah DUH. But he told me this chick is away still for Thanksgiving and, if anything, I wouldn’t be hearing them at all this weekend *giving a fake thumbs up and rolling my eyes* So I pretty much plan to just masturbate violently against the wall every day this week so he hears what a good time REALLY sounds like.
Mirage:*rolling her eyes* You fucking would.
Truth be told, I’m actually losing no sleep over my neighbor…not because he’s yet to have gotten laid in quite some time but primarily because I’m actually more concerned with seducing my professor at this point.
One Detroit dick at a time, dammit.
I honestly could give two shits about him or his girlfriend or his unfulfilling dick. Cuz that’s what it is at this point considering how hysterical and mechanical her moaning is.
Aww. Poor guy.
Besides, I figure it’s only a matter of time before I actually start getting laid my damn self…and then…
AND THEN…!!
I can be the one having crazy, manic, fucking noises waking up the neighbors at 4:45 in the morning!!!!
Yaaaaay!
MWAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!
Hmm…now if only I can actually start getting laid.
Fuck.
I ponder these thoughts fresh off of work as I get off the elevator to the 4th floor of my building. It’s 9:30 at night and somehow this is the earliest I’ve been home in weeks. Unlocking the door to my apartment, I’m greeted with my chihuahua’s frantic circular chasing as I routinely scream and yell and jump up and down while loudly screeching,
“HI PUP PUP!!!!! HI MY BABY BABY!!!!!! HIIIII!! HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!”
It’s what we do.
Slamming the door shut, I scurry my way over to the bathroom for my Welcome-Home-Pee when I hear a knock at the door behind me.
Fuckin-a, Drama, I JUUUUUUUUUUUUUST got in!
It’s a good thing I didn’t strip down butt naked like I NORMALLY do as soon as I get into my apartment.
Quickly turning around and heading over to the door, I begrudgingly open it without asking who’s behind it, when to my salacious surprise I’m standing right in front of him once again.
My next-door neighbor, in a tight black wife-beater and mesh shorts, donning a black baseball cap and seductively sweating very purposefully down every defined cut of muscle on his bulging biceps.
Hot fucking damn.
REALLY?!
My clitoris is at full attention as our eyes meet and my jaw drops in dumbfounded disbelief at what I’m actually seeing…and there it is again!
That heat, that chemistry, that electrifying intensity between us.
My neighbor blushes and his eyes widen at the undeniable exchange between us as he eventually blurts out, “Haha…sooo…umm…I was wondering…ya wanna come grab a drink with me…?” now lowering his gaze from mine and peering back up at me through his eyelashes to watch for my response, a hint of anticipation and anxiety in this momentary glance.
Without hesitation, I immediately and simply blurt out:
Yes.
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