I’ve been writing about squirting orgasms for the past two weeks straight at work.
Furthermore, I’ve been writing about how they’re the GREATEST THING EVERRRRRR and EVERY GUY needs to learn how to give a girl one if they wanna be crowned King of The Cunt.
I have no idea if this is true.
I’ve never had one.
Nor do I want to!
I’ll never forget the first porno I saw with such a catastrophe ensuing…
In college, people called me Lily Thai.
“OMG YOU LOOK LIKE HER!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! SHE’S SO HOT YOU GOTTA WATCH HER VIDEOS!”
While I normally never like watching my own self-made porn, I figured I may as well take a gander to see what I look like with HD shooting and without me screaming, “OH MY GOD TURN IT OFF!!!!” at the tail end of it.
Ladies and gentlemen…I. WAS. TRAUMATIZED.
First of all, I don’t look like her (hazard of there being almost NO famous Filipinas or Filipina porn stars).
Second of all…Jesus…I’d never even HEARD of a squirting orgasm before I’d seen Lily Thai do it, let alone seen one!
Let me say this again, I was traumatized!
I literally tossed my laptop off my bed as if I’d just unwrapped herpes in a box.
Holy shit…the thought still makes me tremble…and not in an aroused sense either.
In a “I feel like I’ve been sexually violated by a rhesus monkey on acid” type of sense.
The worst part is that now I have to write about this shit all day every day.
The even worse worse part than that worst part is that I don’t know what I’m talking about.
And if anyone’s a strong proponent of putting their money where their mouth is…
Plus I’ll never knock anything til I try it.
Fuck…the dilemmas of my life.