At 6 years old, my Saturday mornings consisted of spam-and-egg breakfasts and Saturday Morning Cartoons. My favorites were Rocko’s Modern Life and Doug. At 16 years old, my Saturday mornings consisted of sneaking my Brazilian boyfriend out of my bedroom window before I had to make it to piano lessons at 10am. My God the skills I had as a teenager! At 26 years old, my Saturday mornings are evidently comprised of hangovers, comedowns, and pondering how the hell Persian Princess ended up in my bed naked.
Rolling over the next morning, I see that this bitch has shed all her clothes and is asleep peacefully to my left, while outside my door I can hear the faint sound of one of the other girls puking in my toilet. I didn’t get to bed til 5am this morning. I’m now awake at 7am. How is it that I feel fucking faaaaaaaaaaaantastic?! It’s probably because I’m able to let out all my emotional baggage in therapy. My logic is as follows: Since I unleash all my drama to my therapist every Friday afternoon, I have nothing to be upset, distraught, or devastated over on Saturdays when I’m in a state of anti-euphoria the morning after. I suggest everybody get a therapist in order to weather awful comedowns and have a successful recreational drug habit (something they don’t teach you in D.A.R.E) Reaching for my phone, I immediately take a picture of her naked ass.
Cookies, Sunny, and Angel are sprawled out on my living room floor still. No, assholes, I didn’t fuck him. NOR did I get birthday head thanks to our Persian penis blocker in my room. She’s fucking naked too, BY the way. And no, I didn’t do that to her.
Sauntering out in her bra and panties, Persian Princess comes out to meet us
Persian Princess: *yawning* Oh my God did you fuck him baby??
Me: No, asshole. Your creepy ass kept moaning and groaning along with us. Even that is too weird for me. And why the hell are you naked?
Persian Princess: OH MY GOD I was naked when you guys were in bed! I was so scared you were gonna get under the covers and try to fuck me!
US try to fuck HER! The nerve of that girl.