• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Products

Level Up Seduction

Distinguished From The Dogs

Connect With Me!

Hit Me Up On Social Media:
TwitterYoutube

Happy Birthday Booty, Epilogue

Jun 10

At 6 years old, my Saturday mornings consisted of spam-and-egg breakfasts and Saturday Morning Cartoons.  My favorites were Rocko’s Modern Life and Doug.  At 16 years old, my Saturday mornings consisted of sneaking my Brazilian boyfriend out of my bedroom window before I had to make it to piano lessons at 10am.  My God the skills I had as a teenager!  At 26 years old, my Saturday mornings are evidently comprised of hangovers, comedowns, and pondering how the hell Persian Princess ended up in my bed naked.

Rolling over the next morning, I see that this bitch has shed all her clothes and is asleep peacefully to my left, while outside my door I can hear the faint sound of one of the other girls puking in my toilet.  I didn’t get to bed til 5am this morning.  I’m now awake at 7am.  How is it that I feel fucking faaaaaaaaaaaantastic?!  It’s probably because I’m able to let out all my emotional baggage in therapy.  My logic is as follows: Since I unleash all my drama to my therapist every Friday afternoon, I have nothing to be upset, distraught, or devastated over on Saturdays when I’m in a state of anti-euphoria the morning after.  I suggest everybody get a therapist in order to weather awful comedowns and have a successful recreational drug habit (something they don’t teach you in D.A.R.E)  Reaching for my phone, I immediately take a picture of her naked ass.

INSTAGRAM!

Done.

Facebook?

Naaa.

Cookies, Sunny, and Angel are sprawled out on my living room floor still.  No, assholes, I didn’t fuck him.  NOR did I get birthday head thanks to our Persian penis blocker in my room.  She’s fucking naked too, BY the way.  And no, I didn’t do that to her. 

Sauntering out in her bra and panties, Persian Princess comes out to meet us

Persian Princess: *yawning* Oh my God did you fuck him baby??

Me: No, asshole.  Your creepy ass kept moaning and groaning along with us.  Even that is too weird for me.  And why the hell are you naked?

Persian Princess: OH MY GOD I was naked when you guys were in bed!  I was so scared you were gonna get under the covers and try to fuck me!

US try to fuck HER!  The nerve of that girl.

Tags: Avalon, awkward, Bardot, daddy issues, dating, dick, drugs, Fifty Shades of Grey, fuck, fucking, grindr, Hollywood, Hollywood Blvd., horny, jealous bitches, kiss and tell, LA, LOL, Los Angeles, Molly, online dating, set of balls, sex, sex and drugs, sex and the city, sex on the beach, silly hoes, Single Girl, sluts, stout Categories: Blog

sidebar

Blog Sidebar

Recent Posts

  • Get Hard and Stay Harder (For Longer, Hotter Nights)
  • The Ol’ College Try, Part I
  • Approach Anxiety Meets Tinder
  • 15 Dating Lessons From Game of Thrones
  • We Want You To Want Us (We NEED You To Need Us!)

Archives

  • April 2016 (1)
  • September 2015 (1)
  • May 2015 (4)
  • April 2015 (6)
  • March 2015 (3)
  • January 2015 (2)
  • December 2014 (5)
  • October 2014 (1)
  • August 2014 (1)
  • July 2014 (1)
  • October 2013 (3)
  • August 2013 (7)
  • May 2013 (5)
  • April 2013 (8)
  • March 2013 (2)
  • January 2013 (2)
  • December 2012 (7)
  • November 2012 (15)
  • October 2012 (9)
  • September 2012 (7)
  • August 2012 (10)
  • July 2012 (20)
  • June 2012 (17)
  • May 2012 (14)
  • April 2012 (18)
  • March 2012 (29)
  • February 2012 (2)

Footer

Meet More Women:

  • Learn The Scrambler:The secret technique that makes any woman obsessed with banging you...
  • Be A Bad Ass:Watch the video pickup artists hope you'll never see...
  • Make Women Want You:See how social superstar Jason Capital makes women wet, in seconds...

Make More Money:

  • Start Your Own Business:Learn how to start your own online business, in less than 48 hours...

Get In Shape:

  • Build The Perfect Body:Learn the five foods that keep you from having the body ratio women love...

Last Longer, In Bed:

  • Stay Harder, Longer:These natural foods help you keep it up and last longer, no matter how hot she is...

Disclaimer | Privacy Policy

Copyright 2017 Level Up Seduction. All Rights Reserved.