Drama’s only word of advice to me (ever maybe) was to, “Whatever you do, Jay, do NOT fuck The Russian DP!” How can anybody possibly tell me not to fuck somebody? Did he not know that that would only give me more incentive to do so? After a couple months now, I’d been dodging The Russian’s advances on Facebook to have him take me out and put me in my place (he’s a bit of a racist asshole, so I refused to give in at first). Unfortunately for me, I’ve been thrust back into a dating drought considering every guy I attempt to tempt into my bed is too terrified to talk to me for fear of being blogged about. Either that or they think I’m too slutty to take seriously. Hello!! This blog is about me NOT getting laid?!
Anyway, with some convincing and mild creeping on OKCupid (I found The Russian on OKCupid one late lonely night and proceeded to fuck with him about it), The Russian finally convinced me to give him my number and we have thus commenced a mildly sexually aggressive banter via texts. I never met The Russian in person, but I heard a rumor that he actually saw me ONCE in my building and then decided to creep me the fuck out the best way he could: Facebook. I really don’t have a clear indication of what he looks like, but I heard Russians are freaks in bed. I also heard they all speak French? The last (and only) time I hooked up with a Russian was in college and, the entire time, he talked French to me. He very well could have been reciting his A,B,C’s or describing what his pet turtle looked like, but regardless, it was FUCKING HOT. I’m totally game for another one of those. Now, I have been given strict orders from The Russian to not blog about him. Tough shit, asshole. I had also been given strict orders to not even talk to him. But fuck those people who think I take orders from anybody when it comes to my vagina.
**For those of you who were misled by the title of this post into thinking that I was talking about DOUBLE PENETRATION (DP), I apologize if I have let you down. DP is an industry term for “Director of Photography.” Unfortunately for those who were hoping it meant double penetration, I do not do gang bangs or Eiffel Towers, so there will never be a post about me ever doing YOUR version of DP. My condolences.**