As desperately as everyone demanded I read Fifty Shades of Grey (which I now happen to use often every night to masturbate), I’m being pressured into watching Magic Mike.
“Oh my God they’re so hot! I got so wet in the theater! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE HAVE TO WATCH IT!” is pretty much the running theme in what’s being said.
How’s this for flawless logic: I’ll wait til it comes out on DVD to watch it IN MY BED between the sheets, where I can shamelessly masturbate along with it as opposed to getting hot nasty horny in a theater full of 13-year-old girls discovering in the moment what it means to have a clitoris.
Yeah, I think I’ll do that.