Day date with myself at Bistro Figaro while I discuss booty call criteria, options, and expectations with Fifty Shades.

Yes, I’m reading Tucker Max.

I’m also sitting next to a couple on a blind date from eHarmony.

They’re grown individuals.

By grown, I mean they could have birthed me themselves…minus the fact that they are WHITE and DEFINITELY not interested in fucking one another.

She looks bored.

He looks like he wants to fuck the waitress.